Missing Link
Missing link… !!!
Yes, the link, a special link that binds all of us and almost all the relationship together, wonder what that link is?
I am sure there will me many ready answers out there. But are these answers correct? Do these links in real term binds us together? If yes, then why do we still face gaps in every relationship? Why does it fade over a period of time? Why does one drift apart never to meet again? Why does someone just vanish’s from your life before even, you could start feeling their presence?
Anyways… We human being are very progessive in life, and are becoming quite pratical in every approach rather getting emotionally attached, I guess no one wants to be called an emotional fool any longer.
What do I term the link which binds a mother to a child …?
I can’t think of as I have no idea about it, nor can I describe it for you. Many at times I have contemplated whether to conclude myself being an unfortunate child not to have this link or I have been fortunate enough of not having one? How on earth it would have made a difference to my life and my personality to what I am today? Would it make me a stronger person than what I am? Had I had that link in my life would my life be more stable? Would it help me take care of every mess that I went through where I had no one to understand my feelings and read my unspoken lips?
The missing link as the title goes, it is my mother, who has been a missing link of my life, which was disconnected the day she left me to my father & my grand parents when I was at a age of 5 months, for a better future and for a new life - I presume so. Although I always wished for her happiness and well being whereever she is but my heart always longed and waited for her all along since my childhood, but seemed liked she had gone forever, never to return to even see the glimpse of her kid. It has been an over 30 yrs now, that I have had no glimpse of her nor is there any image of her to picturise in my mind. I also do not remember any unknown lady approaching me with love and caress me with her hugs, even though my wild imaginations used to idicate that she could at least turn up at my school yard or any function that I attended where crowd was large, nothing happened, imaginations never turned into reality.
No, no, she wasn’t a sarrogate mother nor I am an adopted child, but things does happen, sometimes when you are found in the middle of something that you are not resposible for, and all these forced me to think that perhaps I might have been an outcome of a forced sex of a disgust arranged marriage where love was the last thing to exist, otherwise I do not see a reason as to how a mother can abandon her own little child, who was then on breast feeding stage and never ever looked behind nor made efforts to find out about her child’s well being. All say, that mothers have a very tender heart and it cry’s for her kids. Have heard numerous stories, how mothers have gone beyond their limits and have sacrificed their own lives, dreams and have given out all wordly thing just for their sake of children.
To be honest, many a times, have been empathetic and tried to be in her shoes, and imagine things if I could have ever acted like my mother as she did. Something deep within said “NO WAY” not for anything in this world, even if the relationship was going bad I would walk out with my kid rather just abandon it. My heart tears with a thought, as it failed to understand her? Why did she not have that love for me? Why did she not felt for me? And why did she not realise, that I would need her the most, at every step of my life? Many How’s and many Why’s, but no answers, I guess except her no one will be able to answer these questions. Hoping one day we shall cross each others path, and that day will be the DAY, when I will receive answers to my several questions. Ofcourse no, no intention of getting back, I am no one to do that, I guess the time and circumstances, these 2 factors does brilliant job in teaching one, on their own mistakes. So I leave it as it is for her to figure out her mistakes and to God.
Somewhere down the line, my life was always imcomplete without her, as she missed that link which connected me to all other links in the family. Our family was of limited means but when you are young it hardly matters to you, as you are never in that frame of mind to understand anything unless you have been deprived often on your demands and I don’t remember I had many of such demands cause in that age the highs were different and were of basic nature, at that time what meant more fulfilling was extra time to play with friends and be out of house running across the constructions sites, climbing the trees, wandering up on the hills, get chased by dogs, good old days, never stayes for long.
I was a favourable child of all the teachers and was quite popular within the school for ready to help image, cheerful and a smile which never missed its place, even in the worst situations. Oops, there was another reason too for me being lovable, my fair complexion, chubby cheeks, angelic looks with brown stright long hair and a tomboyish attitude (what a combo) every one liked me as I was very easy to connect and friendly. I still remember one of my drawing teacher always use to take a pinch on my cheeks to see it go red so that I get that blushing look, honestly the 50% of the redness was due to irration as it hated it the most.
The 6 yrs of Primary schooling were the best part of my life, as I was freakingly busy playing and having good time sweating it out and getting dirty. You know, these Govt primary schools never ever put pressure on school children and their tender brains, the school scene especially in the villages are pretty much cool and one can actually enjoy your childhood without getting into the burden of heavy weighted large school bags, full of books and timed with repeated performance tests, assignments so on, oh but that did not mean I was a bad student and hated studies. I always did well as per those standards and was active participant in all the extra curriculum activities. Half a day school was always streched to 8-9 hrs as it followed visiting friends houses whose mother’s showered special attention, for reasons not boldly known at that age, that did not mean it went unobserved and unnoticed, rather it made me curious to know the reason and there I started with my own analysis, and learnt that their heart sympathised with an abandoned innocent kid, and they always wondered how a mother could do that to her own kid. After some time, all these special treatments started irritating me as I always looked at it as a gestures done out of pity and I did not consider it as genuine, this pushed me more to observe and stress on family ties and bonding between a mother and a child, the more I started learining it, it made me feel worse as my wounds started souring deeper. This pricisely helped me develop an analytical and empathetic mind of my own. (will continue....)
Yes, the link, a special link that binds all of us and almost all the relationship together, wonder what that link is?
I am sure there will me many ready answers out there. But are these answers correct? Do these links in real term binds us together? If yes, then why do we still face gaps in every relationship? Why does it fade over a period of time? Why does one drift apart never to meet again? Why does someone just vanish’s from your life before even, you could start feeling their presence?
Anyways… We human being are very progessive in life, and are becoming quite pratical in every approach rather getting emotionally attached, I guess no one wants to be called an emotional fool any longer.
What do I term the link which binds a mother to a child …?
I can’t think of as I have no idea about it, nor can I describe it for you. Many at times I have contemplated whether to conclude myself being an unfortunate child not to have this link or I have been fortunate enough of not having one? How on earth it would have made a difference to my life and my personality to what I am today? Would it make me a stronger person than what I am? Had I had that link in my life would my life be more stable? Would it help me take care of every mess that I went through where I had no one to understand my feelings and read my unspoken lips?
The missing link as the title goes, it is my mother, who has been a missing link of my life, which was disconnected the day she left me to my father & my grand parents when I was at a age of 5 months, for a better future and for a new life - I presume so. Although I always wished for her happiness and well being whereever she is but my heart always longed and waited for her all along since my childhood, but seemed liked she had gone forever, never to return to even see the glimpse of her kid. It has been an over 30 yrs now, that I have had no glimpse of her nor is there any image of her to picturise in my mind. I also do not remember any unknown lady approaching me with love and caress me with her hugs, even though my wild imaginations used to idicate that she could at least turn up at my school yard or any function that I attended where crowd was large, nothing happened, imaginations never turned into reality.
No, no, she wasn’t a sarrogate mother nor I am an adopted child, but things does happen, sometimes when you are found in the middle of something that you are not resposible for, and all these forced me to think that perhaps I might have been an outcome of a forced sex of a disgust arranged marriage where love was the last thing to exist, otherwise I do not see a reason as to how a mother can abandon her own little child, who was then on breast feeding stage and never ever looked behind nor made efforts to find out about her child’s well being. All say, that mothers have a very tender heart and it cry’s for her kids. Have heard numerous stories, how mothers have gone beyond their limits and have sacrificed their own lives, dreams and have given out all wordly thing just for their sake of children.
To be honest, many a times, have been empathetic and tried to be in her shoes, and imagine things if I could have ever acted like my mother as she did. Something deep within said “NO WAY” not for anything in this world, even if the relationship was going bad I would walk out with my kid rather just abandon it. My heart tears with a thought, as it failed to understand her? Why did she not have that love for me? Why did she not felt for me? And why did she not realise, that I would need her the most, at every step of my life? Many How’s and many Why’s, but no answers, I guess except her no one will be able to answer these questions. Hoping one day we shall cross each others path, and that day will be the DAY, when I will receive answers to my several questions. Ofcourse no, no intention of getting back, I am no one to do that, I guess the time and circumstances, these 2 factors does brilliant job in teaching one, on their own mistakes. So I leave it as it is for her to figure out her mistakes and to God.
Somewhere down the line, my life was always imcomplete without her, as she missed that link which connected me to all other links in the family. Our family was of limited means but when you are young it hardly matters to you, as you are never in that frame of mind to understand anything unless you have been deprived often on your demands and I don’t remember I had many of such demands cause in that age the highs were different and were of basic nature, at that time what meant more fulfilling was extra time to play with friends and be out of house running across the constructions sites, climbing the trees, wandering up on the hills, get chased by dogs, good old days, never stayes for long.
I was a favourable child of all the teachers and was quite popular within the school for ready to help image, cheerful and a smile which never missed its place, even in the worst situations. Oops, there was another reason too for me being lovable, my fair complexion, chubby cheeks, angelic looks with brown stright long hair and a tomboyish attitude (what a combo) every one liked me as I was very easy to connect and friendly. I still remember one of my drawing teacher always use to take a pinch on my cheeks to see it go red so that I get that blushing look, honestly the 50% of the redness was due to irration as it hated it the most.
The 6 yrs of Primary schooling were the best part of my life, as I was freakingly busy playing and having good time sweating it out and getting dirty. You know, these Govt primary schools never ever put pressure on school children and their tender brains, the school scene especially in the villages are pretty much cool and one can actually enjoy your childhood without getting into the burden of heavy weighted large school bags, full of books and timed with repeated performance tests, assignments so on, oh but that did not mean I was a bad student and hated studies. I always did well as per those standards and was active participant in all the extra curriculum activities. Half a day school was always streched to 8-9 hrs as it followed visiting friends houses whose mother’s showered special attention, for reasons not boldly known at that age, that did not mean it went unobserved and unnoticed, rather it made me curious to know the reason and there I started with my own analysis, and learnt that their heart sympathised with an abandoned innocent kid, and they always wondered how a mother could do that to her own kid. After some time, all these special treatments started irritating me as I always looked at it as a gestures done out of pity and I did not consider it as genuine, this pushed me more to observe and stress on family ties and bonding between a mother and a child, the more I started learining it, it made me feel worse as my wounds started souring deeper. This pricisely helped me develop an analytical and empathetic mind of my own. (will continue....)
Labels: Personal
posted by Dia @ 8:44 PM
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